Happy Thanksgiving:
I am giving thanks for everything I have and celebrating those who are not with us this year.  We are all subject to loss.  Many of us have lost loved ones over the years and some even recently.  While we reflect back on those we miss in our lives it is also important to be grateful for the time we had with those who are no longer with us.  They enriched our lives in ways that are too often only discovered once they are gone. Loss is a great teacher.  We learn to be grateful for our own life and for those who are still with us. This is a perfect time to tell everyone who brings light into your life how much you care for them.   

For me, the loss of Michael meant hitting a brick wall.  There seemed to be no way out of the corner I’d walled myself into. There are still times I can’t imagine a life without him in it.  Everyone mourns in their own way.  For me depression and grief didn’t fit me well. I didn’t like who I was sitting in a corner on the verge of depression. I am much too full of life to surround myself in tears and sadness. I feel that Michael has a hand on my shoulder and is pushing me down a different path away from sadness. 

Michael never wanted me to be unhappy.  He told me that if anything ever happened to him, that I should not lock myself away. He wanted me to go out into the world and enjoy what I found there.  In the last few months of his life he would tell me in various ways that he lived a wonderful life.  He felt blessed that we met and had the opportunity to share a very special relationship. But he also told me: “When I am gone, if someone asks you to dance, I want you to say yes.” 

So that is what happened; someone asked me to dance. Fortunately for me, he actually loves to dance. I am allowing the gift of life to enter in the form of a new relationship with someone who has followed me to Costa Rica. He brings the warmth of laughter and surrounds me in soothing music.  Rich is an accomplished singer, musician, composer, and author of children’s books.  But most of all he has a genuine spirit, open mind and heart that is sensitive to my recent loss.  I am finding happiness just when I suspected that was never going to be a possibility.  I have chosen life rather than dwelling on death. 

One quote I read recently by Mark Twain said: “Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  Just know that I am not moving on and forgetting the past.  Even though I am walking a new path, the people who I love and loved are not forgotten; they walk this path with me also. 

Page, as most of you know has presented me with a beautiful grandson, Sebastian Miguel who was born on September 5, 2012 shortly after the 7.6 Costa Rican earth quake. Unlike the day he was born, he is tranquil and sweet and smiles much of the time. I am here in Costa Rica to experience this wonderful baby and spend time with his busy parents, Page and Chandy. His mother has a thriving Pilates business. His father is also busy running his Italian restaurant while building a new place to move his restaurant.

Another wonderful surprise is that my son Peter and his wife Kristen (who are also here in Costa Rica celebrating this holiday) are expecting their first child, William David “Will” due on April 15, 2013. For many of you this may only mean tax day.  For us it is one year to the day of Michael’s passing. Could it be that Michael continues to send messages that life is important and new life brings special joys that should be shared by everyone?  I think so.  To me his message is that of rebirth, renew, and embrace life to its fullest.  

Here in the lush, tropical jungle of Costa Rica we have been visited by Coate (ring tailed raccoon cousin) and several beautiful blue and white birds who bathe in the waterfall near the pool. We hear howler monkeys morning and night as they feed in nearby trees. Intermittently there is a cooling breeze that plays with the palm leaves and rustles the tropical foliage that is sprinkled with dancing red flowers.  We are blessed by a lovely ocean full of warm water for swimming and surf breaks that entice Page and her friends into the waves.  And at low tide there is a flat, shell filled beach to walk that seems to go for miles.  I am grateful for the blessings on this day. For now I am just enjoying life and the gifts sent to me.  I will wrap myself in the arms of those I love and give a special thanks to all of those who are no longer physically with us.  I realize they have stories to tell.